October 17th, 2021
Yesterday was a pretty good day, despite sleeping for most of it. I've been struggling with fatigue a lot recently, so my sleep schedule is all sorts of messed up. It may be because of the new medicine I was prescribed, but I'm not really sure.
Minecraft Live was yesterday, and I really enjoyed it! I'm always excited to see what direction my favorite game will be heading. My favorite part was all the footage of the Deep Dark and the Warden. Minecraft Live 2020 introduced the Warden and it was my favorite part back then, too. I'm a little disappointed that the Deep Dark won't be in the game until next year, but it looks really cool and I'm happy to wait for a good, finished product.
To be honest, I didn't really vibe with any of the mobs available to vote for. I voted for the Allay, so I should be happy that it won, but at the same time I don't really feel any strong feelings towards it. I didn't see the Glare as very useful, and I personally don't use redstone enough to find use with the Copper Golem.
I'm once again feeling a lot of dissatisfaction with my life. I'm not really going anywhere except for... bad things. I'm currently unemployed and I'm struggling to figure out what I want to do with my life. My eldest brother got in contact with me yesterday and told me that he's now a Fullstack Java developer. I'm very happy for him, but at the same time I feel a little envious and insecure. I understand that we handle things differently in our lives, for example I'm pretty sure the death of our mother didn't affect him like it did me. I won't get into too much detail, but it really shook up my life and even though it happened over seven years ago I'm still extremely depressed. A lot of things have happened to me since then that have prolonged the depression, but that's where it all really started going downhill.
Despite feeling a little jealous of my younger brother, I'm also feeling motivated. If he can do it, why can't I? Although, he is very, very smart and I am not. I'll just have to work a little harder to get to his level. I need to become more motivated to learn. I know in one of my past blog posts I admitted that I was probably not cut out to become a web developer, but to be honest I'm feeling that I probably could; if not become some other kind of programmer.
I know that I probably said that art is my one skill that I have, but I'm not feeling very confident with my skills to run a business, which I would pretty much have to do in order to take commissions and freelance and stuff like that. I'd much rather leave business stuff to someone smart in the regard, and I'm not that kind of smart. Plus, it takes a lot of work to put yourself out there and actually build a following for your art. I'm sure I could do it, but I'm not sure I can do it quickly. Unfortunately, I'm on kind of a time limit since the money between myself and my grandpa is very limited.
Even though my time is limited, I feel that my grandpa and dad will be more understanding if I devote time to teaching myself a programming language rather than if I spent my time just drawing. I'm not sure what programming language I want to learn because I don't know what kind of job I want to go into. I have a few courses I've bought and been gifted to learn Python, but I'm not sure what I can do with it. I'm sure I can look up jobs that require knowing Python, but I'm lazy and there isn't always accurate information online.
I'm so tired, even though I just woke up a couple hours ago. I think I'll need to talk to my doctor about how tired I am... I'm not sure if it's because of my messed up sleep schedule or because of this new medicine. Whatever it is, I can't get anything done being this tired.